what doesn't kill you can make you stronger

and now, i'm writing again.

this time, i wanna wear my heart on the sleeve. no more holding back. i wanna pour my heart out through this post. this time i really want to forgive myself and let go.

it has been a month since that crazy saturday i had with someone close to my heart. you see, i am more than "too vulnerable" around him but he told me he was just being too comfortable around me. i misinterpreted whatever kindness he has shown or i'd rather say the ugly truth - i assumed.

honestly, he was someone i never thought i'd fall for. we got closer at a time in my life when i'm trying to bounce back from a goodbye. he happened to be at a point when i wanted to create new memories in an old, familiar place, when i needed a diversion. i know, i was just enjoying his company, the attention that i get from him then little did i realize, i felt something else. i was happy again which let me think, he was happy too.

the days spent with him are all awesome. those happy days become months that lead to a year. well, he had been the biggest part of my 2011. it was all fun until i became a green eyed-monster that i shouldn't be. i have no right but i just can't control the ill feeling and that's what lead me to do something crazy. i just don't want to waste my time anymore, i thought. i wanted to know, if there was something else too on his end. how pathetic i can be?

back then, he would tell me that he haven't really enjoyed his life and i thought, i wanna be there for him. i wanna accompany him to any place he would like to go, to any thing he would like to do because i want to help him. i want him to enjoy his life. but i guess, i let myself become too much available for him that made him think, i'm gonna be there whenever and wherever he calls. i know i would. i know i can always find a way but today i have to help myself first. i need to stop.

i care a lot about him, i don't know if he knows that and right this moment, i still think of him. every minute. my heart still beats for him. i don't know if this is already love, but if it isn't. it was a lot like it. that feeling when you wanted to fight for him but couldn't because he already told you that it was all about comfort and all. it hurts but i needed to be stronger this time and accept that maybe, he's not the guy for me. that someone better is about to come if i let go now.

this is the story that bang-ed my first two months of the year 2012. i know this too shall pass. as what the song would say, "although my heart hurts now, i'll find a way to get up from the ground. coz i know, one day, i'm gonna feel again."

it's time to look forward to happy days.

hot air balloon festival 2012

february and it's the weekend ofeverything that flies!

i went to clark last feb10-11 to witness hot air balloons fire up the sky.. it's my first time!

here's some of the shots taken from my oh-so-poor point and shoot camera:

time for setting up.

while the sun is about to show, the balloons started to go up also.
i also enjoyed watching the paragliders! i wanna try that someday, too!

the cutie six-wheeler car

poor panda. he wasn't able to fly high. maybe his belly was too heavy. :(
hahahaha. next time panda, do some diet before the festival! :)

next time, when i'm going to attend this kind of festival, i hope i have a good camera on my hand na. :)

first out of town for 2012

first trip for 2012 - Zambales!!!! :)

teambuilding with my officemates! we stayed in Capones Vista:

  

best thing about this place? so peaceful.

the next day, we went island hopping. been to capones cove and anawangin cove.

our first stop was the capones cove. here's the photo:

it really is a beautiful place. the water is so clear and waves aren't that big and the sand is near-to-fine-kind-of-sand.travel time from the resort to this place is thirty minutes.

we didn't stay too long in capones cove .just took a couple of photos then headed to anawangin cove.
i'm all excited to see anawangin as i've read through the web that it really is an awesome place.
it took us another thirty minutes from capones to anawangin.

here's the anawangin cove. the beauty that this island brings is very different from capones. anawangin has pine trees that give shed to people unlike in capones where you're burned under the sun. it has beautiful mountains along the side and no big waves like in capones but to tell you, i think, anawangin is overrated. i find capones more wonderful than here.

but this trip i had? superb fun! :) there's so much to see in our country! yeah, it's more fun in the philippines!

the art of demotivation

what happens when the person who should be giving you the motivation in completing a task becomes the primary factor why your enthusiasm in finishing the job significantly decreases? will the person who demotivates you can still change and help you bring back your drive?

this was the question raised during the week of developing you when the topic motivation is being tackled.

i guess, that person can still change but he won't be able to motivate me again. yes, he can change and start all over again and inspire others but not me. it's because i already lost my confidence that he can help me. 

anyway, this training i took entitled "the art of demotivation" also reminded me of the person who influenced or would rather say, motivated me when i was just a newbie in the corporate world.

this guy right here was my career reviewer back then. i was inspired by how he does stuffs at work and he has this awesome memory that he can still remember what 'work issue' happened even years back and how it was resolved. at the beginning, i was so scared of him because he seems to be an angry tiger but his cool personality changed that first impression. hahaha. and i'll never forget what he told me when i was off-tracked on a task - that is, to continue doing what i have to do and never be afraid to ask question just for the purpose of excelling.  (back reading my blog today, i realized that he had been already a topic on one of my posts - conversation on mentors)

how about you? who motivates/demotivates you? :)